Long time coming......

Wow, I am not so good at this updating thing. Well since my last post we have made it thru heart surgery and are on the recovery end of it. We had a bumpy ride getting there, as we good postponed twice due to emergency cases that came up.
Josie had open heart surgery on October 20th at Vanderbilt hospital. There were no complications and we went home on the 6th day! I am AMAZED at how well she did, such a big girl.
We have truly felt the Hand of God on us these past few weeks. People we have never met and will probably never meet have lifted Josie up in prayer and offerred such words of comfort and encouragement. If you read this and you prayed for Josie please know that we are forever grateful for your friendship. We are now 4 weeks out from surgery and trying to gain strength and work on our rolling over and sitting up. She is cleared to start her therapy again. We have been back to the Surgeon and the Cardiologist and both have said she is as good as new!
We are looking forward to our first Thanksgiving and Christmas as a new family.

Vacation and Surgery Date

What a beautiful day! I love fall, it's so funny how it already feels and looks different outside as soon as September hits. Josie has been keeping busy the last few weeks. We started off the month with a trip to the cardiologist. We had another echo done for a final look before they presented her case to the group at Vanderbilt. Dr. Moore said she had a text book heart (with the exception of the chamber wall needing to be fixed). Her heart is well-balanced which will make for an easier surgery he said. We left later that afternoon for the beach! A much-needed getaway. Although it was not the same (by that I mean easy) we still had a good time and look forward to the years ahead when Josie will run around in her swimmies in the sand!

We recieved a call from Vanderbilt last week wanting to schedule her surgery for October 13th. This is what we have been waiting on but now that it's finally a reality, I have to keep my emotions in check. I know she will feel so much better when it is over but I just dread having to see her like that. It will be hard when they take her away from us for surgery.

We ask that you keep Josie, and the doctors and nurses taking care of her in your prayers.

1. Josie will breeze through the whole stay with no complications.

2. Dr. Christian will be well rested and at the top of her game for the surgery that day.

3. The nurses that will take care of her afterward will be attentive and compassionate.

4. Our nerves and our attitudes.

These last few weeks have really made me re-evaluate everything we have been through the last three months. I am so thankful for Josie and all that she has meant to us in her short time with us. Every morning I go to wake her up and she's still so sleepy but I just squeeze her against my chest and love on her. She has made our life so rich and full, we thank God for her everyday! So much hurt and heartache out there, we are blessed to have this little girl!

Cardiologist Appointment, 8 week shots, 2 month Birthday!

Wednesday we had an appointment with our Cardiologist from Vanderbilt. It was more or less just a check-up. She weighed in at 8 pounds 10 ounces and 22 inches long. Her heart sounded good and her blood pressure was still in a good range. Our next step is another appointment at the beginning of September when they will do another echocardiogram then present her case the group at Vandy. They will decide when her surgery will be, which we are thinking will be the first of October if all goes well. She will have open heart surgery to correct the canal defect and probably be at Vandy for 7 to 10 days. After that the doctor has told us that she will be a totally different baby. She will eat more, grow faster and have more energy! We are definitely nervous about this procedure but know we are in the Best of Hands! Please continue to pray for Josie that she stays healthy and continues to eat well.

We also had our 8 week shots this week. WOW! I always thought, "O I can handle it" but when your child's face turns purple and they want to scream so loud that nothing comes out, you just melt and would give anything to take the pain from them. She was a trooper though, I gave her a paci and she went right to sleep. She took her nap and was right back on her daily schedule.

Josie is now 2 months old! I know right! TIME FLIES. She is growing and learning new things. We have a early intervention teacher that comes to the house once a week and works with her. She is grasping at objects and focusing on them too. She works on her tummy time, lifting and holding her head up. She is registering on a "normal" child's growth chart which is GREAT! She is starting to smile and make some cooing noises. Her eyes will make your day!

Let's start at the beginning......

This blog has been forming in my mind now for, well since we started on this journey. Josie is now 7 weeks old and I have been writing and re-writing what and how I want to say all this. This is our story, our story of happiness, shock, doubt, hurt and eventually JOY! I wanted to write this blog so everyone could know Josie's story. So, here it is....... October 16th 2009, we found out we were expecting!

Not really trying, but not really preventing either, it came as somewhat of a suprise! Our "suprise" was to be born June 9th, 2010! So, as the weeks passed so did the doctor's appointments. Always good, text book pregnancy! Let's jump forward to May of 2010. Just another routine appointment. I was around 33 weeks, I had only gained around 11 pounds at that point, I was anxious to have another ultrasound so we could see her! Dr. Wilson ordered another ultrasound on the basis that I had not gained much weight but that he wasn't concerned with it, just an excuse to have one more. So the two weeks passed and we went back for that ultrasound. We saw Dr. Ball that day. He came in very quick like, checked me and then said "well, I am a little concerned with what I saw on the ultrasound". Concerned? I thought to myself, "well here it is, everything has gone so smoothly thus far, I knew something was going to go wrong!" I know what an awful thing to think. He was concerned that the placenta was not working at 100% and thus making for a small baby. Dr. Ball said maybe she needed to go ahead and be delivered. So, we left the clinic with an appointment to see a Perinatologist at JMCGH two days later. We prepared ourselves that possibly she would be born early..... Packed our bags, I worked my last day.......we were ready! That Friday came and we had another ultrasound, we were lead into an examination room where the Doctor proceeded to tell us the words that would FOREVER change our lives.

The next few minutes were for me a numb blur! The doctor would tell us that our baby had something wrong with her heart. Something that was indicative of Down's Syndrome. She had what is called a Atrioventricular Canal Defect. A defect found in babies with Down's. While he was not saying she 100% had Down's, he did say it was highly possible.

We held it together until we left the office. I kept telling myself, "don't cry, don't cry.....hold it together". I made it about 5 steps out of the office and I just collapsed against a wall. Ashley was holding me trying to tell me it was going to be okay, that we didn't know anything for sure. But I think even he knew something wasn't right!

Here we were 30 minutes before with visions of a perfect, but small baby! Josie, our little angel we had prayed for and planned for for 9 months. All of those "visions" were torn in a short 3 minutes!

The next few days were filled with tears, anger, hope and fear! I think I cried myself to sleep for a week. Ashley didn't even know, I would wait for him to fall asleep and then I would lay on the couch and cry until I was so tired I couldn't do it anymore.

It's kind of funny how, in a marriage you thrive off of eachother's strengths. Ashley and I didn't talk much about what we were told. For me, it was if I said those words "down's syndrome" out loud it would somehow make it all too real and might come true. One night we were laying in bed and I asked him if he thought she had down's syndrome? He said to me...."Beth, I don't care if she does have Down's Syndrome, that is the least of my worries, I am more worried about getting that little heart of hers healed!" I thought to myself, "wow, here I hadn't even considered that at least my daughter was alive and with surgery would be a healthy baby." I was thinking of the physical, what she would look like, how people would look at her, how she would have to go to a "special school". I never considered that while she might not be "normal" in the world's eyes, she would be here and have a life of her own. Something that alot of people never get to experience.

Well we had more appointments and more evidence that she would have Trisomy 21. I still was not accepting of this until on a Tuesday I saw a good friend while I was eating lunch at Dixie Castle. She was going in to have a c-section a day later. She was so happy and excited and ready to meet her baby (which she didn't know what she was having)! I sat at the table and cried after she left (I haven't told her any of this so if she reads it it will be news to her). I cried because I thought to myself, if I had Josie today, I don't know what I would feel, I wasn't happy, I wasn't excited. I just wanted it to all go away. That night, I prayed to God that he would just give me a peace about all of it. I just wanted to Rest in His Arms. I was so tired, physically and emotionally. I wanted to be happy, I wanted to be excited. Women wait there whole lives to become mothers. I was going to be one whether she was had problems or not!

Lord, just give me PEACE!

The rest is just history!

Josie was born on June 4th at 2:52 am after a quick, and I do mean quick delivery! No time for an epidural, 6 pushes and 20 minutes later she was here! All 5 pounds 14 ounces of her.

She would spend 6 days in the Neo-natal ICU but come home with a clean bill of health. (except for her needing some surgery down the road)

As I look back on our journey (it all happened so fast) and I look into those steel blue eyes, she looks back at me and her eyes say "love me.......love me for who I am and for who I will be." I see a perfect baby. God sees no flaws in her, she is perfect in his eyes, why shouldn't she be perfect in mine?! It's not her fault, it's no one's "fault". She is our daughter and we have been chosen by HIM to be her parents. We are blessed to be given HIS child for us to raise.

We are still facing a continuing Journey, a journey to her heart surgery in a few months and a journey in overcoming all of her obstacles with Trisomy 21 but we are Resting in His Arms everyday and taking it one day at a time. She has already grown so much and I cherish every moment with her. She is my snuggle bunny. We call her our "little smidge".

I will continue to update on our journey through the next couple of months. Please pray for Josie as she will have open heart surgery in the fall and we are so blessed to have you in our lives!

Blessed,

Beth